Well I went back to WW this morning after not going for 4 weeks. I had a lot of issues going on in my life, between my own issues and my son's, that I just let it get to me. I think I was depressed and just gave up. I went back today because I did not like the person I was becoming in such a short time. I just did not care about anything anymore, just feeling sorry for myself and allowing that feeling to ruin everything I was doing. I woke up this morning and said enough is enough, I needed to find my happiness again, so I went to a meeting and boy am I glad I did. It was like my leader knew what I needed to hear and was talking just to me. She helped me remember that I have overcome a lot of obstacles in my life and I never gave up on myself so why start now???? Crappy things happen in our lives all the time, it is what we do about them,defines who we are. I do not want to be a quitter!!!!! I chose to be a winner at life, even if it takes me a little time to get there.

Okay the past few days have been very stressful for me. First I gained 2 pounds but that is no one's fault but my own. I allowed stress and worry take over my senses. Second the reason for my stress is 1) Middle son has been having tummy issues for a while and now they have referred him to a Peds GI and are doing a blood test for Celiac Disease 2) my oldest son has been having back pain for a while and went to the Ortho Specialist today and now they want to run a CT because he may have fractured (very small) a vertebra. The doctor is not worried if it is that it can fixed and gave him some medication to help him get comfortable. So all in all it has been 4 days of worrying and we still do not know anything!!!!!

I woke up this morning with the intention of getting back on track and then I blew it on breakfast. I knew I was a feelings eater but man I really have a problem with food. It is this love -hate relationship and I need something. It seems like the wind has been taking out of my sail and I don't know how to get it back. Tomorrow I have to go in for fasting blood work and I am not happy about it but I will do it. This Spring Break has really sucked!!!!!

30 minute workout has been accomplished with out dizziness or anything!!!! 

Day 1 of not smoking... not an epic fail but i did smoke however I am a pack a day smoker and yesterday I smoked 6 total so there. Really trying hard today. I gave myself 4 to smoke today and that's it! I know I should stop cold turkey but I tried that and can't do it but I thought if I gave myself a limited amount I could work thru my cravings saying " You ready to use 1 for them right now" and I have to say it is working. I have not lit up since this morning. ( I smoked 1 when I first got up... before I knew it I was smoking) have to figure out how to break that habit, it is such a routine. So I am making small steps on this but moving in the right direction. I have gained a pound and I am not sure if it is from my new meds or not working out like I use to for this week but I am not going to let it get me down, I know it will come off once  can workout like I did before!!!!

Well it is DAY 1 of No Smoking and I have to admit that I did smoke half of one but that is it!!!! Not so bad so far. Got to take my son to get his Senior photos done and they came out great. Just ordered enough photos to go in the invites for 2.70 from snapfish!!!!Sweet huh? I my BFF is coming over tonight for dinner and we are going to work on his graduation invites  we are embossing them, so keep your fingers crossed!!! I will post a pic of them when where done.

So pissed right now!!!! My oldest son has been acting strange the past few days and I fell for his bullshit ...hook,line and sinker about it all. He asked me if he could go to the school dance and out to dinner after and I said Yes and then last minute texted me if he could go to  a movie with her and friends..... I belive this was the plan the whole time and he lied to me and gave him a choice of what to do and he picked this girl over me and this families rules.... I am so pissed and hurt... over the past years!!!!!!! not to mention the past few months it has been about him and things happening with him you would would think he would be grateful...... I AM PISSED!!!!@!!!!!@

Kind of had a bad day today. It started out okay, I ate a great breakfast and I brought snacks to our appointments and we went to lunch and I had soup and pot stickers and then we came home and I had to wait for the car guy to come and then got a phone call that there where some abnormalities in Mike's x-ray and now we have to go to a specialist, I went straight out and ate at Taco Bell!!!!! Now I have guilt but I am owning my actions and as soon as my daughter gets out of the tube I am going to do my elliptical. I really need to learn how to deal with my feelings without using food, because now I am bloated and still feel like today was just crappy.