Okay the past few days have been very stressful for me. First I gained 2 pounds but that is no one's fault but my own. I allowed stress and worry take over my senses. Second the reason for my stress is 1) Middle son has been having tummy issues for a while and now they have referred him to a Peds GI and are doing a blood test for Celiac Disease 2) my oldest son has been having back pain for a while and went to the Ortho Specialist today and now they want to run a CT because he may have fractured (very small) a vertebra. The doctor is not worried if it is that it can fixed and gave him some medication to help him get comfortable. So all in all it has been 4 days of worrying and we still do not know anything!!!!!

I woke up this morning with the intention of getting back on track and then I blew it on breakfast. I knew I was a feelings eater but man I really have a problem with food. It is this love -hate relationship and I need something. It seems like the wind has been taking out of my sail and I don't know how to get it back. Tomorrow I have to go in for fasting blood work and I am not happy about it but I will do it. This Spring Break has really sucked!!!!!

30 minute workout has been accomplished with out dizziness or anything!!!! 

Day 1 of not smoking... not an epic fail but i did smoke however I am a pack a day smoker and yesterday I smoked 6 total so there. Really trying hard today. I gave myself 4 to smoke today and that's it! I know I should stop cold turkey but I tried that and can't do it but I thought if I gave myself a limited amount I could work thru my cravings saying " You ready to use 1 for them right now" and I have to say it is working. I have not lit up since this morning. ( I smoked 1 when I first got up... before I knew it I was smoking) have to figure out how to break that habit, it is such a routine. So I am making small steps on this but moving in the right direction. I have gained a pound and I am not sure if it is from my new meds or not working out like I use to for this week but I am not going to let it get me down, I know it will come off once  can workout like I did before!!!!

Well it is DAY 1 of No Smoking and I have to admit that I did smoke half of one but that is it!!!! Not so bad so far. Got to take my son to get his Senior photos done and they came out great. Just ordered enough photos to go in the invites for 2.70 from snapfish!!!!Sweet huh? I my BFF is coming over tonight for dinner and we are going to work on his graduation invites  we are embossing them, so keep your fingers crossed!!! I will post a pic of them when where done.

So pissed right now!!!! My oldest son has been acting strange the past few days and I fell for his bullshit ...hook,line and sinker about it all. He asked me if he could go to the school dance and out to dinner after and I said Yes and then last minute texted me if he could go to  a movie with her and friends..... I belive this was the plan the whole time and he lied to me and gave him a choice of what to do and he picked this girl over me and this families rules.... I am so pissed and hurt... over the past years!!!!!!! not to mention the past few months it has been about him and things happening with him you would would think he would be grateful...... I AM PISSED!!!!@!!!!!@

Kind of had a bad day today. It started out okay, I ate a great breakfast and I brought snacks to our appointments and we went to lunch and I had soup and pot stickers and then we came home and I had to wait for the car guy to come and then got a phone call that there where some abnormalities in Mike's x-ray and now we have to go to a specialist, I went straight out and ate at Taco Bell!!!!! Now I have guilt but I am owning my actions and as soon as my daughter gets out of the tube I am going to do my elliptical. I really need to learn how to deal with my feelings without using food, because now I am bloated and still feel like today was just crappy.

Well went to the doctor yesterday and he put me back on my high blood pressure medication. Little bummed but you have to do what you have to do. Go in next week for blood work not worried about it, my blood work came back fine last time just don't like to fast. Anyway he told me what I knew he would say about smoking, Stop!!!! And I really am going to try (did smoke this morning already) It is really hard when Paul smokes too. All I can do is take it one day at a time, just like with food.

On a good note: Mike has his senior pictures tomorrow and my friend is coming over Saturday to help me finish up the graduation invites and help me create a new face book page for our Daisy Troop. Excited about that.

Today is the start of week 2 and I am looking forward to it. I have my Mid term today then I start my Spring Break!!!!I have nothing big planned except clean my house but looking forward to relaxing some.

So I just got done doing a mini Zumba 2 workout on my Wii, my knees are kind of hurting me today so I took it easy and did 20 minutes instead of the normal 46 minutes. I really wanted to get in some exercise today because I know we are having pizza for dinner tonight. No grumbling out there!!!!! After the huge weight loss today on the scale I am not about to go hog wild on pizza but I am going to enjoy a slice with my kids. It is all about portion control!!!!!

Well came home from meeting today and I lost 7 pounds!!!! I know the first week is always good and the weight is not going come off that much each week but it is a huge accomplishment !!!!! Makes me really want to have another good week. The meeting was awesome and my leader is so funny that she makes it go by fast. Is it bad to want to lose 3 pounds this week so I can get a blue ribbon?

okay, here is one from this past December!!! i am holding my God-daughter!!!!

These are pictures of me at my heaviest!!!! Really the only pictures I would let people take back then. I will post new pictures of me now but I have to have some take photos first.

My first weigh in is this morning is at 10am!!! I so do not want to eat or drink anything until I weigh in, lol. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!

So today I had a mini victory. I have a really bad habit of eating on the go in my car, and when that happens I get so hungry that I will stop and buy junk food or fast food. When I joined WW I talked to my leader about it and she advised me to keep a low point snack in the glove compartment for when this situation , so I got a box of fruit bars (4 points) and put them in the car. Well...... today I was leaving class and I was hungry!!!! There is a circle K on the way home ( more like 4 or 5) I stopped and was planning on buying chips or crackers or GOD forbid a hotdog!!!!! When I pulled in I remembered that I had this snacks in my car so I opened the glove box and ate the fruit bar instead.... right there in the parking lot!!!!

Now some might read this and be like.." SO what, no big deal" or " Do you want a pat on the back" my answer to these people is... Yes, I want a pat on the back from myself. Learning to change your mind set and listening to that small voice of reason is not easy to do and when you can do it,.... it is an awesome feeling!!!! My first way is tomorrow and I think it will be good. I am planning a lite fish meal for dinner with veggies and an early bed time. Let you all know how it goes!!!!!

This is going to be one of my accountability tools while I am doing Weight Watchers. This journey for me started around 2 years ago and I am still fighting the fight!!!! At one point I was down 53 pounds but over the past few months I have gained 10 pounds back ( was not going to WW anymore). I tried having Face book groups with friends but with it being online there was really no accountability and I would find myself not tracking or eating things that I should not. So On Feb 29th (odd day I know) I made the choice to return to WW and get back on track. My first weigh in is tomorrow and I am kind of excited and nervous at the same time. I will be honest, it was a lot harder getting myself started this time. I want the people who read this (if people read it) to know that making life changing decisions are not always easy to do and sometimes we fail at them but the important thing is to get up, dust yourself off and try again!!!! Here is my re-do and I am going to make the best of it!!!!